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    10/10/2009

    大庙

    更年躁动和更年抑郁小酌,刚要说些闺房话,被踌躇满志多名加入.假装踌躇满志的畅聊半晌.
     
    不许对号入座.全是暗号!
     
     
    更年骚同学路过,问我在看啥,我在看:王朔系列2004再版的自序.转如下:
     
        这几本书都是十年前或更早的时候写的,那时我很自以为是,相信很多东西,不相信很多,欲望很强,以为已知的就是一切了.这些书里的人,情景和一些谈话是那时我经历过的,在生活中也不特别,仅仅因为我不知道更多的东西,才认为有趣,虚张声势的写下来.这些情景不在了,这些人也散了,活着的也未老先衰,我也不在那么说话和如此看待自己,所以有时候我觉得自己失去了继续协作的能力.
     
        年轻的时候认为有很多重要的在前面,只要不停地奔走就能看到,走过来了发现重要的都在身后发生了,已经过去了,再往前又是一片空白。对过去,没有什么可遗憾的,也没有任何偶然,都是必须经过的,我不信一个人可以有两个以上的选择。
     
        关于文学,我越来越确定这是个人的事.这个世界很单纯,人和人之间需要的其实不多,互相了解只能横生误会.公众是个陷阱,为别人活着即便出自真诚也在技术上做不到.没有比想在别人记忆中不朽更自欺的.几千年算永恒吗?写作是一条狗,你不变心它就陪着你,也是一面镜,照着你自己,和别人有什么关系呢? 

        文化太可怕了,像食物一样,不吃,死,吃了便被它塑造了。我怀疑其核心已编入遣传而不必再通过教育获得了。我觉得自己像在大海里游泳,无边浪涛挥之不尽,什么时候才能登上彼岸,有从树上刚下来的原始人那样一个澄明的无邪的头脑。关于这些书,我个人认为是一个蒙昧时代的见证。活下去,活在自我虚构和自我陶醉中,这大概是一个写作者的宿命,明白也没用。

     

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    ning duowrote:
    不是躁动,是性骚动!
    10 Oct.

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